


Bite the Apple

by The_Clamp



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe, Angst, Changkyun suffers, Coming Out, Deception, Demon Hyungwon, Demons, Don’t trust a demon, Explicit Sexual Content, Human Jooheon, It’ll be ok in the end, Kihyun is the voice of reason, M/M, Minor Violence, Misery, Nightmares, References to Depression, Smut, confused feelings, demon minhyuk, poor changkyun
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-27
Updated: 2020-02-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 02:22:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 15,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21989959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Clamp/pseuds/The_Clamp
Summary: Changkyun is just a lost soul trying to get by day to day while living with a heavy crush on his best friend, Jooheon. But his life takes a turn when he falls into the seductive clutches of a demon who slowly corrupts him. But it’s not Changkyun’s soul the demon really wants, it’s Jooheon’s.Dark and gritty, my favourite thing to write!________“Your soul is an easy target. Tainted with self hate, misery and pain. Oh so susceptible to being plucked like fruit from a low hanging tree branch. Disgusting.”“Why do you want my soul if it’s so disgusting?”“I don’t. But you’re mine now and you’ll help me get the one I truly want.”
Relationships: Im Changkyun | I.M/Lee Jooheon, Im Changkyun | I.M/Lee Minhyuk
Comments: 24
Kudos: 55





	1. The Snake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter track list:
> 
> LOSER by BIGBANG  
> Slow Dive by A.C.E  
> No One Knows by Queens of the Stone Age  
> I wait by DAY6  
> Move by TAEMIN  
> Lovely by Billie Eilish and Khalid  
> Beautiful Liar by VIXX LR  
> Lucid Dream by Park Kyung

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Welcome to this little 5 parter which is gonna bridge the gap between the two storylines in the Curious Case series. I kinda wanted to write something supernatural in between things.

Jooheon’s laugh practically sang in Changkyun’s ears. The younger loved it when his best friend laughed. His cheeks pushed his eyes up into crescents and his deep dimples were on full display. It made Changkyun want to squish his face, sometimes he would. He’d reach over and smush his soft cheeks and laugh along with him. He’d laugh even more when Jooheon sulked about it. It was cute.

They had been friends since Changkyun was nine years old. Jooheon was two years older and Changkyun had absolutely idolised him. He still did now, if he’s honest. The older always looked out for him. Being a self-confessed coward, Jooheon tended to keep and easily-lead astray Changkyun out of too much trouble when they were growing up. Always reigning him in with worried looks and gentle scoldings. 

He was also always there for Changkyun when he had his dark days, too. 

And Changkyun did have dark days sometimes. Gloomy days where his self hate would creep up on him. Or sometimes there was just no reason for it. Sometimes Changkyun was just sad, really fucking sad. 

But the good days and the nothing days far outnumbered the dark ones and he was always able to pull himself out of it with help from his best friend. Even if it felt like the sun would never rise again, Jooheon would show up and bring the dawn along with him. 

It was little wonder the two had become friends. Changkyun moved into the house next door to Jooheon. He was a quiet child, having grown up out of the country. He hadn’t been confident speaking Korean and so he’d simply chosen not to speak. Jooheon didn’t seem to mind that. He’d do enough talking for the two of them until Changkyun came out of his shell. 

They’d been inseparable ever since. They liked the same foods, had the same taste in movies and TV shows and they had the same sense of humour. They even dabbled in making music together. 

One thing they didn’t have in common, though, became evident when Jooheon became interested in girls during his teenage years. 

In high school, Jooheon would fall hopelessly in love with a different girl almost every other week. Changkyun waited for his interest in girls to develop, too. He figured it would happen at some point, he was younger than Jooheon after all. 

He waited and he waited. But it never came. Instead, he developed a different interest. All the feelings he was supposed to have about girls, he was having them about boys. No matter how much he tried to push it down. Girls were objectively pretty, but they didn’t fill his stomach with butterflies. He didn’t want to hold their hands or kiss them. He’d look through the dirty magazines Jooheon kept under his mattress and feel nothing. 

But guys? That was a different story. He’d sweat over images of shirtless male idols. He’d have inappropriate thoughts in the locker rooms and feel disgusted with himself afterwards. When he discovered porn, he’d get off to the guys. Finally he’d give in and end up guiltily searching up gay porn. Fuck. The first video he’d watched involved a gorgeous power bottom riding this incredibly well built guy with a huge cock. He’d touched himself to that for weeks. 

It absolutely terrified him. 

The worst part of all of it was that before he knew it, he’d developed a painful crush on Jooheon. He could live with being gay, but why did he have to fall for his straight best friend? 

He’d be horribly envious of every girl who ever caught his best friend’s eye. Not that Jooheon had much luck with the ladies. He wasn’t popular and lacked confidence. But he was a sweetheart. Their loss. 

He recalled Jooheon’s only real relationship, it had lasted two years. It had hurt so badly to see her sitting in his lap, receiving loving little kisses. Hearing Jooheon talk about how beautiful she was. Witnessing tender touches and caresses. Being the third wheel when the two of them were trying to suck each other’s tonsils out. Oh, how Changkyun wanted to rip out his own heart, stomp on it and burn it on a fire. 

Jooheon had been so hopelessly in love with her and she’d broken his heart by cheating on him. Changkyun discovered a new level of self loathing the night Jooheon cried all over him after their breakup. His best friend was hurting and all Changkyun could think was _“Good. I hated her. I wouldn’t have done that to you. I’d have never hurt you like she did. I’d have been so much better than her.”_ All as he held him close and soothingly ran his fingers through his hair. 

That was almost three years ago and she had faded into nothing but a bitter memory for Jooheon. 

The thing that made him feel even worse about it all? The fact that Jooheon didn’t even know Changkyun was gay. It made him feel like a filthy liar to hide such a big part of himself. A part of himself he’d wandered through agony and confusion to come to terms with and accept. But he was still too terrified of how his best friend would react to tell him. The two of them shared everything. Every single venerability and issue, except for this one. This was something he couldn’t bring himself to share. 

So here they were now, sitting on the floor of Jooheon’s apartment. Drinking from a gigantic bottle of extremely cheap whisky. 

“Where did you even get this stuff? It tastes like paint stripper.” Jooheon picked up the bottle, squinting at it to get his drunken eyes to focus on the label. He ran his hand through his orange hair, like he was trying to wake up his brain. 

“It was pretty cheap but it does the job. I don’t think we have a refined enough palette to appreciate expensive whisky. It all tastes the same to me, really.” Changkyun rubbed over his face. “God, I’m kinda fucked already.” He groaned. “I should probably head home.”

“Just crash here.” Jooheon offered, swaying a little in the little nest of empty chip packets he sat amongst on the floor. They’d been playing video games all afternoon but abandoned it in favour of alcohol and snacks. 

“Nah, I gotta go to work in the morning and I’d have to get up extra early to get my uniform from home if I stayed.” As much as he enjoyed the sweet torture of having Jooheon curled up next to him, not tonight. Even if the older did snore like crazy, he still too twisted pleasure in sharing a bed with him. It let him trick himself into blissful happiness. The pair were more than close enough that whenever they crashed at each other’s place they’d share a bed rather than one of them having to sleep on the couch.

Jooheon pushed out his lower lip in a pout. “Fiiiine, if you’re sure. Text me when you get home so I know you weren’t kidnapped or something.”

“Uh I highly doubt anyone would want to kidnap me.” He mumbled as he scrambled up from where he was sat on the floor, almost losing his balance. 

“Yeah, they’ll probably pay me to take you back.” Jooheon laughed. 

Changkyun picked up a cushion from the couch and threw it at him. “Shut up, asshole.”

“I’m kidding! I’d definitely pay the ransom to get you back, you know I love you.” 

That felt kinda like twisting the knife which had been stuck in Changkyun’s chest for years. “Yeah. Love you too, hyung.” 

“Don't talk to strangers on your way home, young man. Ok?” The older wagged his finger at him. 

“I won’t. Unless they pull up in a van and tell me there’s puppies inside. How could I possibly resist?” Changkyun grinned crookedly. 

“Totally understandable.” Jooheon laughed. Again, that laugh Changkyun just adored. 

“Catch you later, hyung.” He bid his best friend goodbye and headed home. 

. . . 

The night air was freezing cold. The ever present droning sound the city which seemed to emanate from all directions, like it was oozing out of the concrete of urban Seoul itself. The nocturnal voices exiting bars rang out and there was the sound of some kind of bird cawing from the nearby trees. 

Changkyun stuffed his hands into his pockets, the coldness of the wind was sobering him up a little too quickly for his liking. Thankfully, the walk home wasn’t a long one. Soon, he’d be able to just curl up in bed and hopefully sleep. 

He walked up the path to his apartment building, digging around in his pockets for his swipe card to get inside as he neared the doors. He almost jumped out of his skin when a snake slithered out from a bush and crossed his path. He leaped back from the creature on instinct. 

It’s scales were pitch black and glistened in the flickering security light above the door. It moved slowly, stopping briefly to seemingly look at him. Were those red eyes? It flicked it’s tongue at him before continuing to slither, paying him no more mind. 

Changkyun watched as the serpent disappeared into the undergrowth on the other side of the path. Fuck. He’d never seen a snake quite like that before. Was it some kind of adder? Whatever it was, his heart was still in his throat as he hurriedly pulled out his card and let himself into the building. 

He hated snakes and he was pretty sure he’d never seen one crawl right out of a bush in the middle Seoul to eye him up before. Especially not while it was so cold. It was probably looking at him to decide if he was too big to eat or not. 

He shuddered and pressed the elevator call button impatiently. On the bright side, at least the thing might eat some of the rats which gathered by the garbage out back.

Once inside his small apartment, he kicked off his sneakers and dropped his jacket onto the floor near the door. Heading to his bedroom and pulling his phone out the pocket of his jeans, he quickly fired off a message to let Jooheon know he was some safe.

**Changkyun 01:23am:**  
_Honey I’m home. Almost got eaten by a big snek but all good now :)_

He set is phone on the bedside table, not necessarily expecting a reply. Jooheon had probably passed out. Changkyun stripped himself out of his clothes, tossing them onto the growing laundry pile in the corner of the room near the mirror he barely bothered ever using

Changkyun wandered to his kitchen, opening the fridge and grabbing a half empty bottle of wine. He was already drunk from the whisky, but he always found it hard to stop until he’d gone too far. 

Flopping down onto his bed, entirely naked and taking a swig of wine straight from the bottle, he picked up his phone again. 

**Jooheon 01:27am**  
_Snek?!!! Glad u is not ded :’)))))))) I’d be sad T^T_

Changkyun smiled at the message, a warm feeling swelling in his chest. An uncomfortably warm feeling he’d try to extinguish with wine and flicking through animal memes on his phone.

Huzzah for coping mechanisms. 

Oh well, he was an adult. If he wanted to pass out drunk and naked while looking at garbage on the internet, then who was anyone to judge?

———

Next thing he knew, his alarm clock was screaming at him and his head was about to explode. He rolled over and swatted at the clock until it finally stopped making that horrible noise. His brain felt like it had turned into wool.

His stomach was doing flip-flops. What the fuck was he thinking by drinking that wine after all that whisky? Especially when he had work. Stupid. 

He rolled out of his bed, plugged his phone in on charge and dragged his carcass into the shower. He empty wine bottle had rolled off the mattress and clattered to the floor, but he ignored it. 

Changkyun let the water just roll over him for as long as he dared. He couldn’t afford to be late for his shift, tat would be twice in a month. He was pretty sure he was still a little bit drunk, though. He’d have to drink so much coffee. Oh well.

He managed to burst through the doors at the noodle shop bang on 9am, a strong and sugary coffee in hand. 

By some divine mercy it wasn’t busy and he managed to catch a break in order to down some water and more coffee, followed by some painkillers for his aching head. 

Pulling out his phone, he text Jooheon. 

**Changkyun 11:15am:**  
_No more cheap whisky._

No more whisky followed by wine, that is. Jooheon didn’t need to know that, though. 

**Jooheon 11:15am:**  
_You get to work ok?_

**Changkyun 11:16am:**  
_Yeah, just about. Feel like shit tho. Might die in a min :/_

**Jooheon 11:18am:**  
_Wow you sound worse off than me for once!_

Yeah, because Jooheon didn’t come home and sink half a bottle of wine. Jooheon isn’t stupid like that. 

**Changkyun 11:20am:**  
_Must be having an off day. Don’t get cocky I can still drink you under the table!!_

**Jooheon 11:21am:**  
_Do WHAT to me under the table?!? ;)_

Changkyun laughed bitterly. If only. 

**Changkyun 11:21am:**  
_Gross. NOT what I meant. Thanks for making me feel even more like I’m gonna puke!_

That was a good solid heterosexual response, right? No homo and all that. 

**Jooheon 11:23am:**  
_Ha! I’ll leave you alone before you get yelled at by your boss. Have a good dayyyy! :)))_

“Don’t go.” Changkyun mumbled pathetically to his phone. 

____________  
____________

On the Friday, Changkyun had crawled through an especially shit day at work. Some asshole customer was screaming at him for something stupid. It honestly went right over Changkyun’s head. He really didn’t care. He wasn’t paid anywhere near enough to care. 

He found himself sitting there on his couch in his apartment, a beer in hand and a growing sense of disconnection from the world. Not to mention the sexual frustration had been building for the last few days. It had been a while since he’d actually gotten laid. It was just... a lot of effort. 

But it was Friday night and bit of human contact with a stranger wouldn’t go amiss right now. 

So, another beer and some amount of effort to spruce himself up later, he was on his way to one of the few gay bars he frequented, preying that he didn’t run into somebody he knew. 

It was far too cold out for what he was wearing. A tight fitting but thin black shirt and some black jeans so tight that it took him a good ten minutes to wiggle into them. They probably looked like they were spray painted on. Perfect. He even applied little bit of dark eyeliner and some concealer, probably to give himself a little bit of extra confidence more than anything else. After spending twenty minutes fighting with the damn thing, he even manage to get his eyebrow piercing in. 

Inside, the club was warm and a little stuffy. Erring on the edge of being uncomfortable. The music was cheesy as ever and always gave him a headache before the alcohol even had a chance to. 

He headed straight for the bar, needing at least two strong drinks in him before he tried to talk to anyone. It wasn’t long before he drained his first glass in a matter of seconds, ordering another quickly. “Another double whisky, please.” 

“Make it two.” Came slightly raspy but airy light voice to his left.

He turned his head to look. It was a young man, probably a couple of years older than him. He had striking white blonde hair and wore a loose fitting white shirt and purple skinny jeans. The shirt was floaty and teasingly sheer. He was taller than Changkyun, his body elegant and lithe but enough meat on him that thoroughly biteable. The guy’s face was a perfect harmony between handsome and downright pretty. Sparkly eye makeup caught the flashing lights and his lips were tinted a perfect shade of soft pink. His skin was flawless, like the delicate face of a porcelain doll. 

Then there was his most striking feature, his eyes themselves. It wasn’t the fact that his blink was slightly uneven, although that was cute as hell. It was the fact that he wore intense red contact lenses, the colour standing out against the almost pigment-less hair and shimmery silvery toned makeup. It was bold choice and Changkyun liked people who made bold choices with their looks.

In short, this guy was absolutely gorgeous. 

Gorgeous… and way out of Changkyun’s league. 

Changkyun would never even consider striking up a conversation with someone who looked as intimidatingly attractive as this. 

“Don’t look so worried, I’m buying.” The stranger giggled, paying for the drinks. 

“Uh thanks. Sorry.” He searched for something to say. Was this absolute vision of a man actually buying him a drink? Were those lenses making him blind or something? “I haven’t seen you in here before.” God, that was such a bland thing to say. Jeez. Changkyun wanted to smack his own head on the bar. 

He felt so jittery all of a sudden, why? 

“Oh I don’t usually come out like this. I feel kinda awkward, actually.” The guy admitted with a coy smile. 

“Apparently I’m the king of awkward right now.” Changkyun laughed at himself. 

“I think it’s cute. My name’s Minhyuk, by the way.” The guy introduced himself. 

“Changkyun.” He picked up his drink and took a big sip as soon as it arrived. 

“It’s good to meet you, Changkyun.” Such a pretty smile. Minhyuk didn't even flinch from the burn when he drank from the glass of straight whisky. Changkyun was impressed. 

As they talked, it became apparent that Minhyuk was very charming and just a little bit weird. Changkyun liked that because he was a little weird, himself. To his surprise, they also actually had quite a lot in common. They talked about movies and food, apparently Minhyuk had some massive distain towards cucumbers. Changkyun could have slid in an inappropriate joke if he searched hard enough for it. Maybe not, though. He didn’t want to come across as a pervert. 

There was something otherworldly about Minhyuk, which Changkyun couldn’t quite put his finger on. It wasn’t just his inhuman beauty. He had an aura about him that seemed to take up the entire room. His physical presence was much bigger than his actual size. It was intimidating but awe-inspiring at the same time. 

“So what do you do?” Changkyun asked after ordering another drink. 

“Oh, I work in a print shop. And yes, those do still exist but yes most of the customers are over 50.” Minhyuk giggled. “You?”

“I just wait tables for a living, nothing exciting. But I’ll have you know that I’m under 50 and use print shops thankyouverymuch.” Changkyun grinned. 

“Oops. Sorry. In my defence I did say most, not all.” Wow, Minhyuk had such a gorgeous smile. So bright and sunny that it practically lit up the whole room. A sunny smile to match his sunny personality. “I’d remember your face if you’ve ever been into the one I work at, though. Wouldn’t forget a handsome face like yours.” 

“God, so cheesy.” Changkyun pretended to cringe. It was nice to hear a genuine sounding compliment, as hard as it was to believe. “I do a bit of photography on the side so sometimes I make big prints of stuff. On occasion, people wanna buy them for some reason.”

“Oh I love creative people! I bet you’re really good!” Minhyuk chirped excitedly and finished his drink. “Maybe you can show me sometime if you’re not not completely sick of me already.”

Changkyun finished his drink, too. But when he went to set the glass down, it slipped out of his unsteady hands. 

Changkyun’s anxiety must have been bad that night, for sure. Because he couldn’t shake this weird sense of danger which was sitting under the surface of his skin, he just couldn’t seem to relax. Maybe it was just nerves because Minhyuk was so attractive. There was just this bizarre foreboding atmosphere hanging around. 

It took a moment for Changkyun to realise why he didn’t hear the glass shatter on the floor. Minhyuk had caught it. The guy must have had some lightning fast reflexes. 

“Your hands are shaking.” Minhyuk frowned, looking concerned. He probably thought Changkyun was on drugs or something. Great. 

“I’m just nervous, I guess. Sorry, I don’t usually get like this.” He didn’t usually care enough to get nervous around somebody. If he got rejected then whatever, he’d try someone else. He didn’t even tend to talk with someone this long. 

“Is it me? I’m so sorry, I’ve been told I come across as like… kinda a lot? If I’m being weird and making you uncomfortable then you can tell me. Do you want me to leave you alone?” Minhyuk bit his lower lip, looking worried. 

“No!” Oh god, that was way too loud. “No. It’s defiantly not you. I’m definitely the problem here.”

Minhyuk smiled at him softly. “I’m nervous, too.” He extended his hand to Changkyun. “Wanna come dance with me?”

Changkyun almost never danced, but despite his uneasiness, he took Minhyuk’s hand and allowed himself to be lead to the dance floor. He was still in shock that Minhyuk hadn’t walked off arm in arm with someone much more attractive than Changkyun. 

Turns out, Minhyuk could really move. Holy shit. His movements were controlled and sensual. The way he rolled his body and beckoned Changkyun in closer to him. He couldn’t help but be drawn in. The rest of the world seemed to fall away when he was watching the blonde move his body, red eyes locking onto him. It made his mouth go dry. Good lord, Minhyuk was so sensual and playful. 

It took some prompting before Changkyun was dancing along with him, giggling at Minhyuk busting some stupid looking moves for laughs. He was probably trying to make Changkyun feel at ease. It was working, a little. 

It became crowded on the dance floor and they ended up getting physically closer and closer. The blonde would tease small touches and it drove Changkyun crazy. 

Minhyuk coiled his arms around Changkyun’s waist, biting his own lower lip coyly, his eyes asking the younger if this was ok. In response, Changkyun got brave and pressed closer. It was getting intense and Changkyun felt a little dizzy. The heat radiating off the other man’s body was making him sweat. 

Changkyun wanted to be bold and ask the older to come home with him. But he didn’t have quite enough dutch courage in him yet. 

“Can we get another drink?” He pressed his lips against Minhyuk’s ear as he spoke. 

“Have I worn you out already?” Minhyuk grinned widely, following Changkyun back to the bar. 

“I like to pace myself.” He ordered two drinks. He’d really like to show Minhyuk exactly how much stamina he had. He’d slam this drink and ask him if he wants to get out of here. Hopefully he’d actually get a chance to show off his stamina and not just come in his pants as soon as he saw the blonde naked. 

At least that was his plan. 

Until he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and grabbed it out to take a look. 

**Jooheon 10:12pm:**  
_Hey bro I know it’s late but I got an XL pizza coupon that expires after today!! :D_

Jooheon. 

Jooheon wanted to hang out. 

Wow, Changkyun must be pathetic because here he was, talking with a gorgeous man who is somehow actually possibly interested in him. Yet, he was just wanting to go eat pizza with his best friend. 

Fuck it. There was no way Minhyuk would be coming home with him anyway. 

**Changkyun 10:12pm:**  
_Gimmie like 20 minutes?? Maybe 30? Just about to shower._

**Jooheon 10:13pm:**  
_Double pepperoni and extra cheese? :DDD_

The drinks appeared on the bar. 

“Everything ok?” Minhyuk cocked his head. 

**Changkyun 10:13pm:**  
_Yessssssssss_

“I uh... sorry. I really like you but my brain is being weird tonight and something kinda came up.” Minhyuk would probably be relieved. He was probably only humouring him just being nice. Fuck. What was Changkyun even thinking? “I should really go.” He’d go crawling back to Jooheon’s platonic embrace. Like the hopeless loser he was. 

“Oh. Uh ok? ’m sorry if I’ve been too intense.” Minhyuk looked confused and a bit hurt. “Can I at least maybe get your number?” The blonde held out his phone, open in the contacts list. 

Changkyun’s eyes widened in surprise. “Sure.” He took the device and typed in his number. Why would he want his number? I specially as he was now running out on him. 

. . . 

It was a cold walk home. The alcohol he’d consumed didn’t really do anything to warm him. It certainly wasn’t enough to dilute all the regret in the pit of his stomach. 

As he neared Jooheon’s apartment block, something caught his eye along the path at the age of the bushes. It was another snake. It looked the same as the other one he’d seen. Deep black scales and red eyes illuminated by the light from the street lamp above. 

It was just sat there, perfectly still. It’s piercing eyes fixed dead on him, tongue flicking out intermittently. He felt a chill much deeper than the coldness of the night air. It ran through the very marrow of his bones. That anxious fear rolled through his stomach. He wondered if the thing was planning to strike and bite him or not. He certainly felt like prey standing there under it’s scrutiny.

Once his limbs would allow him to move again he backed away, putting a safe distance between himself and the serpent. He took one last look at it and started walking again, speeding up his pace until he broke into a run. 

He pressed the buzzer on the main doors of the building urgently when he arrived, waiting for Jooheon to answer. 

“Yo! Come on up!” Came Jooheon’s voice through the speaker. The lock on the doors clicked open and Changkyun practically threw himself inside. 

Boy, was he glad to get indoors. He’d felt like he was being watched. He spent the elevator ride trying to calm himself down, then taking a few breaths before knocking on door 1021.

The fear and urgency disappeared into the air when the apartment door opened. “Hey!” Jooheon greeted him, dressed in just a pair of black boxers and an oversized yellow hoodie. Changkyun vaguely thought to himself he looked like a honeybee. He liked the fact Jooheon couldn’t be bothered to put pants on for him. It instantly began calming him, making him feel a comfortable as his friend obviously was. 

The main reason he liked to see Jooheon like this had nothing to do with the fact the older had gorgeous legs, that was only secondary. The reason he liked it was that Jooheon had always been very conscious of his body. Always hyper aware of every soft squidgy area and reluctant to show his skin. But not with Changkyun. With Changkyun, he was comfortable in his own skin. That’s why Changkyun loved it. 

“Hey hyung, sorry I’m kinda late.” He said breathlessly. 

“It’s fine, pizza literally just arrived. We got that whisky to finish, too.” 

Thank god, because Changkyun could really do with a drink to calm his still rattled nerves. 

“You ok?” Jooheon noticed his quick breathing.

“Yeah, sorry. I saw another snake again on my way here. Guess it freaked me out.” Not a full lie.

“Seriously? Jeez.” He shuddered and looked Changkyun up and down. “You look good. Why are you so dressed up?”

“Oh I’m not. It’s just a shirt and jeans, not anything special. Didn’t have any other clean clothes.” He shrugged casually and slipped out of his shoes. He hoped Jooheon wouldn’t mention the makeup. He didn’t feel like coming up with a lie for that, too. 

“Huh. Here I thought you were dressing up for me.” Jooheon teased. 

“Nope. Sorry Honey. Especially since you’re too lazy to even put pants on.” Changkyun smirked and grabbed a slice of pizza from the box on the counter, taking a big bite. He looked around for the small kitchen. “You didn’t get any dip?”

“No, cos I got some in the fridge. I’m not an animal, of course I have dip.” The redhead looked offended. 

“Thank god. Thought I was gonna have to get a new best friend.” Changkyun laughed, opening the fridge and rummaging around. 

“I’m irreplaceable and you know it.” Jooheon grabbed the whisky bottle from the cupboard and took the pizza box away to sit on the couch with it. “There’s beer in there. Bring that over, too. I had the worst day at work and need to forget about it.”

“Hmmm I don’t know. There’s this guy at work, Kihyun. He works in the kitchen and he seems pretty cool. He can cook, which is an upgrade from you. Prime best friend material.” Changkyun teased and grabbed the dip and the six pack of beers. 

“Is that the same Kihyun who hit you with a spatula? Sounds like greaaaat best friend material.” 

“Maybe I like getting hit with a spatula.” Changkyun plonked himself down on the couch, setting the beers down on the floor between them and placing the dip in the lid of the pizza box. He pulled two cans of beer out of the plastic rings and handed one over to Jooheon. 

“Oohh kinky!” 

“Hell yeah.” Changkyun snorted and grabbed another piece of pizza. He most certainly didn’t like being hit with a spatula. Kihyun was mean. Ok, so Changkyun had kinda deserved it at the time. But that was beside the point. 

Jooheon unpaused the movie he’d already started watching. “After this I’m gonna kick your ass at Mario Kart.”

“I think you’ll find it’s your ass that’ll be kicked.” Changkyun lived for times like this. Jooheon was safety. Jooheon was home. Someone who would always be there for him to lean on... just as long as Changkyun didn’t screw things up. 

They drank their way through the beers and ate the pizza while they sat watching some cheesy science fiction movie. Changkyun had no idea what was happening. It didn’t matter, though. It was so bad, it was actually funny. The alcohol he’d consumed at the bar and the beers helped, too. 

“Well that was absolute trash.” Jooheon laughed well the credits rolled. The pizza box had ended up empty and on the floor to make room for them to lean on each other. 

“I’ll pick the movie next time. It wasn’t that bad anyway.” 

“Well, guess it’s time for me to wipe the floor with you.” Jooheon slipped off the couch and scooted across the floor to start up the games console. The loss of his body heat left Changkyun feeling cold. 

“You’re gonna be soooo sorry. Loser has to buy the other fried chicken.” The younger announced. 

“You’re on. Hand me the the damn whisky.” 

“Best two out of three?” Changkyun crawled over to sit next to Jooheon, passing over the bottle in exchange for the games troller. 

“Sounds good.” The redhead grinned and unscrewed the cap, raising the huge bottle and taking a big gulp. 

They didn’t bother with a glass, they just passed the bottle back and fourth between them as they played. 

They lost track of how many races they’d played. They’d also lost track of who was winning. The bottle was getting emptier and emptier. Thank god Changkyun didn’t have work that morning. It was already getting on for 2am. Where had the time gone? It always flew when he was with his best friend. 

“Ok bro. Whoever wins the next one is crowned the ultimate winner. Kay?” Jooheon announces, swaying a little. 

“Need to pee first.” Changkyun scrambled up, stumbling because of the alcohol and the fact he’d been sitting on the floor too long. 

Once in the bathroom, he opted to just take his jeans off entirely. They were way too tight and uncomfortable to sit around in, anyway. It was just as much of a struggle to get out of them as it had been to get them on. He hopped around the bathroom, his back hitting the bathroom door with a thump, saving him from falling over entirely. 

“You good, bro?!” He heard Jooheon call. 

“Yup!” Changkyun broke out into a giggle.

“I don’t have to get up and scoop you up off the floor, do I?”

“I’m not on the floor, I was taking my jeans off! They’re comfortable.” He knew Jooheon wouldn’t think it was weird. It wasn’t something unusual for them. 

After peeing and washing his hands, he looked at himself in the mirror. His eyeliner was a bit of a mess by now. Ugh. He washed over his face, trying to scrub it away along with the memory of how he’d basically ran away from Minhyuk at the bar. 

When he was done, he tossed his jeans into Jooheon’s bedroom. His phone was still in the pocket but he didn’t need it. Jooheon was the only person who text or called him. Nobody else gave a fuck, why should they?

Jooheon had his lips wrapped around the neck of the whisky bottle when he got back to the living room. Changkyun’s mind might have gone places with that sight. Terrible, inappropriate places. Although, if he’s honest he’d actually rather be the one with his mouth wrapped around Jooheon’s hard— No! That thought process had to stop right there. 

The older finished taking a long gulp and held the bottle out to him, which Changkyun graciously accepted. His sexual frustration and drunkenness must have gotten the better of him because when he sat, bare legs splayed out in front of him and back against the couch, he licked slowly up the neck of the bottle with the flat of his tongue. It was supposed to be to catch a drip but he made more of a show if it than he should have. 

“Eewww you’re so lewd.” Jooheon swatted at his arm, they both just burst out laughing. Changkyun’s sides were starting to hurt. 

As they played, Changkyun was struggling to actually comprehend what was happening on the screen. Everything kind of blurred into a mess of fuzzy colours. So, he resorted to cheating. Mostly by jabbing Jooheon in the side, knowing how incredibly ticklish his best friend was. 

“Yah!” Jooheon dropped the controller and scrabbled to pick it back up while Changkyun just cackled childishly, not even playing anymore. 

It was fun. So he did it again, poking at Jooheon’s sensitive ribs. 

Jooheon threw down the controller and dived onto him. Changkyun yelped, flailing and giggling as Jooheon poked the sides of his ribcage. 

“How do you like it? You little cheater!"

“Hyung! Stop! Yah!” 

Jooheon was laughing, too. Changkyun flailed his limbs and wrapped his legs around the older’s waist, using his leverage to flip them over and roll on top of him. They narrowly missed knocking over the open whisky bottle. It was almost empty, anyway. 

“Nooo!” Jooheon whined as Changkyun ticked under his arms mercilessly. 

“Now I got you!” The younger cackled.

Inevitably, Jooheon always won these little drunken roughhousing sessions. He was bigger and stronger than Changkyun. Besides, Changkyun didn’t mind him winning. So, it wasn’t surprising when Jooheon regained the upper hand and ended up back on top, sitting on Changkyun’s hips and pinning his wrists the floor above his head. His thighs squeezed Changkyun a little and it made Changkyun’s pulse race out of control. 

The laughter faded into the air when they locked eyes for a moment, both catching their breath. Changkyun felt his heart thudding in his chest. He’d chew off his own limbs to reach out and kiss Jooheon right now. It felt like forever had passed between them, but in reality it was only a couple of seconds. 

Jooheon leaned just face closer and the younger felt like his heart may jump right out of him. He could feel his friend’s alcohol laden breath ghost over his lips. 

Jooheon broke into a giggle. “You look scared.” Just like that, the spell was broken. 

Changkyun regathered his senses as much as possible and grinned back. “Because you’re heavy and I’m worried you’re gonna pass out on me and crush me to death!” 

“You callin’ me fat?!” Jooheon sat upright and pouted, folding his arms across his chest and looking away. 

Changkyun playfully slapped Jooheon’s thick thigh. He’d never tease further than that, considering the older’s insecurities. Jooheon knew he was joking. 

“I’m heavy cos I’m not a teeeeeny tiiiiiny shortie like you.” He sulked. 

“I’m big enough where it counts.” Changkyun cackled and shoved Jooheon off his lap. 

Jooheon poked his tongue out like a petulant child. “Can’t believe you’re not denying you called me fat.”

Changkyun kinda liked it when he got a bit sulky and petulant. The older was needy and it made him feel wanted. “Aw I was kidding. Of course I wasn’t calling you fat. You know that.” He wrapped his arms around his friend from behind. “You’re perfect.” Because yeah. He was perfect in his eyes. Even his flaws made him perfect. The way he would get crabby and grouchy sometimes and pout like a child. The scar on his shin leftover from when Changkyun climbed too far up a tree and got stuck. Jooheon had climbed up to rescue him and ended up falling. The small scar under his eyebrow from the only fistfight of his life. That one was Changkyun’s fault, too. 

“Let’s go to bed, I’m so fucking drunk.” Jooheon whined and leaned back into him. “You’re sleeping over, right?”

“Yeah.” Changkyun poked at Jooheon’s knee absentmindedly. “You’re such a cuddly drunk. You have to get up if you wanna go to bed, y’know.” 

“Ooookayyy...” Jooheon huffed and crawled forward to switch off the TV. Changkyun watched him scramble up and head to his bedroom. Changkyun followed, eyes on Jooheon as he pulled off his hoodie and plonked himself down onto the bed. 

Even though the haze the alcohol put across is vision, he let himself admire for just a moment. That’s all he’d ever have, may as well do it while he could blame the booze. 

“Come on.” Jooheon made grabby hands at him, arms outstretched. 

The younger shed his tight fitting shirt and crawled into bed alongside his best friend. Jooheon always liked to cuddle with him. He lay there in the redhead’s arms, feeling his chest pressed against his back. Skin to skin. Surrounded in warmth. Comfort. Security. He let his mind wander into fantasy for a moment, let himself pretend this was something it wasn’t. Let himself pretend Jooheon loved him in the same way he loved him. That this wasn’t just Jooheon’s clingy friendly embrace. 

He thought about Minhyuk. He felt like shit for his little disappearing act. Maybe Minhyuk really had expected something from him. The truth was, Minhyuk was actually really nice. Quirky and sweet with the most radiant of smiles. He made Changkyun laugh enough to intermittently forget his problems. 

He wanted to kick himself for pulling a Cinderella move on the guy, he seemed so genuinely nice. Changkyun had thrown his chance away like an idiot, just because he got spooked and was so damn stuck on his best friend. 

Sad. 

Oh well, another screw up to add to the ever growing list. 

. . . 

When changkyun woke up, it was to Jooheon shaking him into consciousness. His heart was racing and he sat up in panic. He was disorientated and shaking all over. 

“Shit are you ok?” Jooheon rubbed his upper back soothingly. 

“Jesus.” Changkyun was out of breath. Why was he out of breath? He was soaking wet from sweat, too. Running his hand through his damp hair, trying think his way through the cloud of confusion. 

“You looked like you were having a nightmare.”

“Was I?” Changkyun couldn’t recall. Maybe that was a good thing, judging by how sweaty he was. “Fuck.”

“You scared the shit out of me, man. Thought you were having a seizure at first.”

“Sorry. I...” He suddenly remembered something from his nightmare. Red eyes. Red eyes everywhere. Red eyes in a black room. Fuck. Those red snake eyes and Minhyuk’s contact lenses must have gotten into his head. 

“Hey, it’s ok. I’ll make you a coffee.” Jooheon reassured him. “You go shower. You’re all gross.”

Changkyun nodded and watched his friend leave the room. He reached for his phone in the pocket of his jeans on the floor to check the time. It was almost midday and he had some messages from an unknown number. 

**Unknown 11:52pm:**  
_Is it weird I’m texting you already? Sorry. Sorry if I did something wrong to scare you off._

**Unknown 11:55pm:**  
_I know you were probably looking for something fleeting but I’m gonna take the fact you gave me your number as a good sign. I’m gonna be at the bar tonight, too. Maybe I’ll see you there? I hope so because I’m really intrigued by you._

**Unknown 8:21am:**  
_Ah it’s Minhyuk by the way! Sorry! Wow now I’m triple texting. You’re probably really put off now >.< _

Changkyun smiled softly. Minhyuk had actually text him. Maybe he hadn’t completely ruined his chances. 

**Changkyun 11:35am:**  
_Sorry I just woke up. I’d really like to see you again, I’m sorry for the disappearing act._

He set his phone down and disappeared into the shower in an attempt to wash away the layers of sweat and the dirty feelings from over from indulging in guilty thoughts. 

He let the water run over his body, soothing the aches in his muscles. His head was killing him again. Maybe he should curb his alcohol consumption. 

As good as the shower felt, quickly washed himself down, enjoying the zesty scent of orange and grapefruit from the soap. He shouldn’t take too long because Jooheon was probably already brewing coffee for him and he didn’t really like the idea of drinking it cold. 

After his shower, he pulled his clothes back on. Yesterdays’s underwear would have to make do until he got home. Whatever. 

He picked his phone back up. 

**Minhyuk 11:38am:**  
_It’s ok I’m sure you had your reasons. Just as long as it wasn’t my fault._

**Changkyun 11:57am:**  
_Yeah sorry. I actually turn into a pumpkin at midnight. Probably shoulda mentioned that._

He messed with his hair in the mirror and padded into the kitchen to join Jooheon. 

**Minhyuk 11:58am:**  
_Hahaha!! Actually laughing out here in public rn. We can’t have that, how bout I promise to have you home by midnight this time? I’ll see you at the bar tonight?_

**Changkyun: 11:58am:**  
_Sounds suggestive. And yeah, I’ll be there._

**Minhyuk 11:59pm:**  
_Can’t wait to just accidentally to run into you by chance x x_

“What are you grinning at like an idiot?” Jooheon teased as he shoved a mug of coffee into his hand. 

“Huh? Oh just texting someone.” He hadn’t realised he was grinning. 

“Oh I know that look. Is she cuuuute?” 

“Real cute.”

“What’s her name?” Jooheon pressed. 

“Not telling you.” Changkyun poked his tongue out. 

“Got a pic?”

“Nope.” Changkyun sipped the coffee.

The older pouted. “Aw what’s the matter, don’t wanna jinx it?”

“Something like that, yeah.”

“Sooo... I figure you probably won last night. Wanna come grab your victory chicken tonight?”

Jooheon... or Minhyuk? “Uh I can’t tonight, sorry.”

“Ohh, hot date?” Jooheon winked. “It’s ok, I get it.”

Date? Not quite. He’d be doing his best not to screw things up this time, though. Second chances didn’t come his way too often. Maybe Minhyuk could be the one to save him from this hopeless ditch he’d found himself in. Maybe he’d help him become unstuck from his straight best friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey let me know what you think!


	2. Greed and Heat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter track list
> 
> Fxxk It by BIGBANG  
> Chelsea Dagger by The Fratellis  
> Thirsty by Taemin  
> The 7th Sense by NCT U  
> Believer by Imagine Dragons  
> Any Song by Zico  
> A Boy by G Dragon  
> I’m So Afraid by Holland

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Additionally the two songs mentioned playing are _Them by Truth_ and _Sway by Double K, Flowsik, Killagramz and Vandal Rock._
> 
> WARNINGS: Sexual content in this chapter! Also descriptions of nightmares/sleep paralysis.

Changkyun was feeling pretty positive as he rummaged through his clothes to find something appropriate to wear to meet Minhyuk again. 

He settled on some tight faux leather pants. Risky, because they tended to get uncomfortably warm if he wore them for a long time. He kinda hoped he wouldn’t be wearing them for very long, anyway. He paired them with a dark red shirt, opting to tuck it into his pants because he wouldn’t want to hide how good they made his crotch and butt look. 

He made a displeased noise when he peered into his bathroom mirror. He wasn’t usually self conscious about his face, the people he had sex with probably didn’t much care to look at his face and he didn’t care about theirs, either. Minhyuk wasn’t like those other guys, though. He cared about what Minhyuk would see when looking at him. So here Changkyun was with his imperfect complexion and a couple of acne scars for good measure. So, he dabbed on some concealer and a light foundation, followed by some grey eyeshadow. Not too much, he didn’t really like to wear a lot of makeup and he wasn’t very skilled with applying it, anyway.

He set the makeup brush down and smudged the small amount of pigment out a little and surveyed his face. He was pleasantly surprised and just a touch impressed with himself. It looked good with the black barbell through his eyebrow. 

Finally, he styled his hair up off his forehead. His hair didn’t like to be styled, always ending up flopping back into his eyes and so he set it as best he could with flat irons and a load of hairspray. 

Before he left, he took a look in his full-length mirror. Something he rarely did. 

Oh. He actually looked good. 

It was the first time in a long while that he felt actually kinda… sexy. 

Confidence swelling with the rare increased self esteem, he headed out down to the bar. Minhyuk had text him to say he’d be there at 9pm. Changkyun planned to get there a little sooner so he could drink a glass or two of liquid courage. 

He’d only been there long enough to get half way down his double vodka and coke when there was a tapping on his shoulder. 

He turned around to see Minhyuk standing there in all his flawless glory. He was wearing some black ripped skinny jeans and a silky white shirt. It wasn’t tight but the material hung off his body perfectly. The low neckline showed off his pretty collar bones nicely and he wore a black choker. Holy shit, Changkyun was so weak for chokers. It made the blonde’s neck look so deliciously biteable. He wanted to lick at his pulse and pull on the choker with his teeth.

Oh, he needed to calm the fuck down. 

Minhyuk was wearing the same red contacts as before, clearly it was his aesthetic. Changkyun loved it.

“Wow, Changkyun you look so hot!” Minhyuk exclaimed, looking genuinely excited to see him.

“Me? How ‘bout you? You look incredible.” Changkyun was just trying not to gawk like an idiot. 

“You’re so cute.” The blonde giggled. “What you drinking tonight?”

“Vodka and coke. I’ll get these.” He finished what was in his glass in some quick, long gulps. 

“No, no. Don’t be silly. I think I might have been the one to ask you out so tradition dictates that I buy your drink.” Minhyuk insisted, ordering their drinks, along with a shot of tequila each. 

“Tequila? Really?” Changkyun laughed, thankful for the high alcohol tolerance he’d developed over the last few years. He generally didn’t drink tequila unless he was already drunk, though. 

“I want you to be brave enough to come dance.” Minhyuk winked and picked up the salt shaker from the bar. “Gimmie your hand.”

Changkyun obliged, holding up his hand for Minhyuk to pour salt onto it. He watched as the blonde shook the salt onto the back of his own hand, too. The blonde then held his hand out to Changkyun. 

“This’ll be more fun.” Minhyuk had a cheeky smile gracing his features. “Ready? On your count.”

There were already butterflies in Changkyun’s stomach. “Three… two… one. Go!” He licked the salt off the back of the blonde’s hand, faltering at the feeling of Minhyuk’s warm wet tongue on his own hand. Oh god. He grabbed the shot glass and knocked it back, followed by taking a bit of the lemon wedge. He cringed at the pungent taste. This was easier when he was drunk and the taste brought back hazy memories of messy nights. 

Minhyuk, on the other hand, didn’t even flinch. “Ah! You were faster than me!” The blonde giggled and sipped his vodka and coke. 

“You didn’t even flinch with the lemon, I’m impressed. You’re either hardcore or your tongue is broken.”

“Oh believe me, my tongue works great.” Minhyuk winked. 

Changkyun downed his drink so damn fast. God help him, he desperately wanted to crawl all over Minhyuk and fucking taste him but wasn’t quite bold enough to so much as flirtatiously touch him. He wasn’t usually nervous like this, maybe it was because he kind of liked Minhyuk beyond the point of him being hot and possibly willing to have sex with him. 

“Y’know, you look really good tonight, Changkyun. I know I already said that but I kinda feel like I need to say it again.” Red eyes shamelessly raked up and down him. 

“You look hot but like, I don't think you physically can look anything other than hot.” Changkyun chuckled nervously, confidence wavering because he wasn’t good with accepting compliments. 

“You should see me first thing in the morning. Trust me, I can look totally un-hot.” Minhyuk playfully batted his shoulder. 

He needed to force himself to be bolder. “Maybe let me be the judge of that.”

“Oh really?” Minhyuk raised a brow, a gentle blush gracing his cheeks. “How ‘bout one more drink and then we can dance a little?”

Yeah, Changkyun could do this. Another drink disappeared and he allowed himself to be brought to the dance floor, it helped that he really liked the song playing at the time. Sway. He got out there just in time for the Flowsik verse. 

He had barely drank anything compared to his regular alcohol intake, but Changkyun felt intoxicated. The goddamn heat of Minhyuk’s body was making him sweat from his core. 

Damn, the way their hands gripped at each other and the way the blonde moved against him. Minhyuk’s mouth tasted of sweetness and apples despite what he’d been drinking. 

They parted just enough to breathe, Changkyun needing to feel some air circulating around him so he wouldn’t pass out from the addictive heat. They only separated a few inches, though. 

The music suddenly changed to something with a deep, almost ominous bass. It sounded kind of out of place in this club and the lyrics were definitely not Korean. Changkyun could pick out English but it certainly wasn’t the standard US English he was familiar with. He had a strange, almost disassociated moment where a chill ran through his entire body, chasing out the heat. For some reason he glanced up at the DJ, almost as if he were drawn to do so by an invisible force. The DJ was a young man with black fingernails and hair almost as void of pigment as Minhyuk’s. He was tall and thin with a handsome face, even at this distance it was obvious. 

The DJ met his eyes for a fraction of a second. It might have been a trick of the light but his eyes looked red, too. Obviously red contact lenses and was quite a fashion fad right now.

He listened closer to the song, concentrating on the vernacular and pronunciation.

The volume seemed to increase momentarily. Or rather like it was playing right through his skull and into his brain.

_”Demons are coming and coming. The truth. Dem are still fighting and fighting for food. Dem still arriving, arriving don't move. Don’t try to hide man cos dem watching you.”_

A chill ran up Changkyun’s spine again. A deep shudder like someone was walking over his grave. 

“This DJ suuucks.” Minhyuk whined, breaking his trance. 

“Huh?”

“I said the DJ sucks.” Minhyuk pouted as the song switched. 

“He doesn’t suck! I thought he’s pretty good. Are you sore cos he’s wearing your look? White hair and black nails?” He teased. 

“No, cos I wear it better.” Minhyuk leaned over and kissed his jaw. “Right?”

“You’re the hottest thing in this room. Literally. You’re like a human radiator.” Minhyuk’s skin was even hot to the touch. He toyed with the hem of Minhyuk’s shirt as their lips met messily. 

“Take me back to your place, Changkyun.”

Oh fuck, this was really happening. “Just let me go to the bathroom real quick and we’ll go.” He had to give himself a pep talk before he did this. 

“Ok.” Minhyuk followed him off the dance floor and waited by the bar for Changkyun.

Once Changkyun had disappeared out of sight, the DJ appeared next to Minhyuk. He leaned over to speak into his ear. “He’s so not your type.” The taller blonde mused.

“Expert on my type, are you?” Minhyuk raised a brow, turning to him. 

“I’ve known you for long enough to know your type. The poor thing.” The DJ drawled. 

“Don’t pretend you don’t play with your food a whole lot more than I do.” Minhyuk folded his arms across his chest. “Whatever happened to that deliciously sweet little snack in the nice wrapper you were dragging around?”

“I broke the wrapper and had to eat his soul before it expired. Shame he was so flimsy, I’d have kept him around longer. He was cute and looked good with me on his arm.” The taller shrugged nonchalantly. “Me playing with my food is beside the point, anyway. The point is that he isn’t your food, is he? I can smell his sadness from across the room. He’s too easy. He’s my kind of soul to snack on, but you don’t eat low quality. That’s what I’m curious about. He either isn’t food or you’re starving.”

“If you know what’s good for you, you’ll stay away and keep your nose out. Go sleep for another few decades or something.” Minhyuk folded his arms across his chest. 

“Maybe I will.” The DJ paused in thought. “Maybe.”

“Oh, Hyungwon. Dear thorn in my side, I simply cannot wait for the day I finally tare chunks out of you.” Minhyuk scoffed.

“But you can’t. You know you can’t. You’re a thorn in my side, too.” And with that, the DJ was gone, disappearing back into the crowd of people.

Changkyun had gone to the bathroom to give himself a pep talk. He looked into the mirror and saw his hair damp and messy with sweat and his makeup already faded and eyeshadow migrating down his face. His cheeks were flushed and there was a hickey blooming on his neck. 

He already looked fucked out and all they’d done was make out on a dance floor. If this was anything to go by, he just hoped he wouldn’t come in his pants as soon as Minhyuk got naked. 

Knowing his luck, something like that would happen. Or maybe he’d find some other way to embarrass himself. Maybe his dick would stop working suddenly because the universe hates him. Great, now the seed of that idea was planted in his psyche. Psychosomatic erectile dysfunction, wouldn’t that be fun.

Changkyun rubbed his hands through his hair, trying to chase those thoughts away. He looked into the mirror again. “It’s fine. He wants you. Fuck knows why, he could have anyone. But hey, don’t complain. You got this, Im Changkyun. Be confident. This could be the best lay of your life if you don’t fuck it up.” He told himself out loud, fixing his messy hair. “You got this.” He assured himself, wiping away the eye makeup that had sweated down his cheeks. “Don’t stress. Just enjoy it.”

He ignored the strange looks he was getting for talking to himself in the mirror and figured he may as well actually pee while he was in there. Wouldn’t wanna ruin the mood with a bathroom break when they got back to his apartment. 

Well, the state of his apartment might kill the mood, anyway. He’d have to rush Minhyuk through to the bedroom before he could witness the empty pizza boxes, beer cans and sink full of dishes. Why the hell hadn’t he thought to tidy up?

Minhyuk was still waiting for him at the bar when he returned. 

“Hey sorry, there was a line. Shall we go?”

“Sure.” Minhyuk smiled and offered his hand. “Lead the way.”

The drop in temperature was a bit of a chock to Changkyun’s system as they left the club. He was holding onto Minhyuk’s hand which remained nicely warm. 

Underneath his giddiness, there was a strange tickle of anxiety nibbling away at the back of Changkyun’s mind. He explained it away to himself as just a case of nervousness. Even though this somehow felt different. Like that part inside the head of every living creature, placed there by evolution which alerts them to danger before it happens. 

Changkyun ignored it. It wasn’t as bad as last time, anyway. He wasn’t going to let his brain sabotage him tonight. 

“I don’t normally do this.” Minhyuk sounded breathless and a little nervous himself. ”I’m trusting you to not be a serial killer.”

“Same, I don’t usually go home with people or take them home.” Changkyun subsisted off quick and dirty sex. Sometimes he didn’t even exchange names with his sexual partners. The sad reality was that he couldn’t remember the last time he had sex on an actual bed. Up against a wall, bent over a sink? Sure. Back seat of a car if he was lucky? Sure. But, a bed? That was almost unheard of.

But Minhyuk was gorgeous and he was pretty convinced the blonde wasn’t going to murder or rob him. Not that he owned anything worth stealing. Minhyuk was the level of gorgeous that deserved a bed. Actually, even if he did wake up with all his worldly possessions missing, it would totally be worth it. 

The blonde’s lips were on his as soon as the elevator door closed on them and Changkyun’s hands dared to travel up his sides under his shirt, feeling smooth warm skin under his palms. 

“I wanna ride you, Changkyun.” Hot lips travelled down to his throat as the elevator reached Changkyun’s floor. “Is that ok?”

“Jesus, Minhyuk.” He lead the older along the corridor, punching in the access code to his door and tugging him inside. He could already feel himself hard in his too-tight pants. He felt like a horny teenager again but he could forgive himself because Minhyuk was practically a wet dream personified. He made sure not to turn the light on, concealing his shamefully messy apartment in darkness. 

Changkyun hurried them along to the bedroom, only satisfied when the door was firmly closed. 

Minhyuk seemed to slip so fluidly and gracefully out of his shirt and pants. It was like every movement was effortless. He reclined himself on the bed like he owned it, hardness prominent under his designer branded underwear. 

Changkyun, on the other hand, was far less elegant. He was fairly sure he broke off a couple of shirt buttons in his urgency and managed lose his balance fall on top of Minhyuk on the bed while trying to wrestle his ridiculously tight pants off. 

“Shit, sorry.” The younger could feel his face burning in embarrassment. 

Minhyuk just laughed musically and pulled him down into a deep, messy kiss. “You’re so cute.” He helped Changkyun out of his pants with a bit of a struggle, giggling in amusement. “These are hot but not very practical.” He teased, taking the opportunity to look him over. “I like you better without them.”

Changkyun hadn’t been wearing underwear and felt exposed under the scrutiny of the red eyes, so he tugged at Minhyuk’s. “Time for you to get naked, too.”

The blonde allowed him to strip him of his final garment. As suspected, Minhyuk was fucking gorgeous. His body had a perfect blend of soft lines and gentle curves, firm thighs and flawless skin. Changkyun couldn’t believe his luck. He considered himself to be pretty average in the way of physical attractiveness so he felt like he was punching well above his weight with Minhyuk. 

“Like what you see, Changkyun?” Minhyuk was on his knees, spreading them a little as he straddled Changkyun’s thighs. He was clearly confident in his body and had good reason to be. Changkyun found confidence incredibly sexy. 

“Yeah, you’re stunning. I want you so bad.” He subconsciously covered himself a little. 

“Want you, too.” He took Changkyun’s hands in his own, so that he couldn’t hide himself. “You’re so hot, Changkyun. I don’t think you realise how gorgeous you are. You make me want you so much.” 

Changkyun was about to reply but his words were cut off before they could escape. Instead, he hummed groaned into an open mouthed kiss.

“So, can I ride you?” Minhyuk’s fingers coiled lightly around his cock, stroking him slowly and gently. 

“God, yes.” Changkyun was trying not to melt to death in the heated air between them and the feeling of Minhyuk’s hand wrapped around him. 

“Wanna finger me or wanna watch me do it?”

Changkyun nodded dumbly, hands desperately exploring the expanse of the other’s skin, feeling the curve of Minhyuk’s hips and waist and getting himself lost in it.

“Sweetie, it wasn’t a yes or no question. Which is it?” Minhyuk giggled.

As much as he’d love to watch the other fingering himself, Changkyun didn’t want to be too passive. “I-I wanna finger you.”

“Sooo lube and condoms?” Minhyuk prompted. 

“Oh! Yeah. Sorry, they’re in the drawer there.” He pointed to the bedside table next to them on the left.

“You’re so cute.” The blonde reached over and rummaged around in the drawer, pulling out a box of condoms and lube. “Where do you want me?”

Changkyun scooted backwards up the bed a little so he could sit up easier and pulled Minhyuk closer by the hips so he straddled him closer and their lips were only a light breath apart. “Here.” His voice came out deep. Was this too intimate? Too intense? If Minhyuk was going to disappear by morning, Changkyun figured he may as well be greedy. Nobody had let him be this way with them before. It was all fucking from behind or no kissing or no eye contact. This felt different and Changkyun could see himself becoming addicted to it.

He took the lube from the blonde with slightly shaking hands, dispensing a little too much onto his fingers. This surely had to be a dream or like a porno version of The Truman Show. No way he could be this lucky. Stuff like this didn’t happen to Changkyun. 

“Go ahead.” Minhyuk urged gently, placing another kiss against his lips. “You don’t have to be too gentle, I like it a little rough.” 

So did Changkyun. He liked a bit of heavy handedness, whether he was on the giving or receiving end. He hummed and reached around to slide his fingertips along Minhyuk’s puckered hole. He licked into the older’s sweet tasting mouth as he slipped a finger inside him, eliciting a small gasp from him which he swallowed down. 

He loved the perverse sense of closeness of this position allowed but almost regretted that he couldn’t watch his finger pressing inside. Minhyuk probably had such a pretty looking hole. Can’t have everything, though. He was already being greedy, anyway. 

He dragged his lips down the side of Minhyuk’s neck, licking and sucking at his gorgeous skin. All while experimentally sliding his finger in and out of the tight ring of muscle to get him used to the sensation. His lips reached the blonde’s collarbone and playfully threatened to bite, asking permission. He didn’t know where the boundaries lay here. 

“You can do it if you like.” Minhyuk’s voice came heavy and breathless. 

As much as he’s have loved to bite straight away, he didn’t. Instead, he waited until he worked a second finger into him and pressed his fingertips over the little bundle of nerves inside. That was the exact moment he bit down on Minhyuk’s collarbone. Hard but not hard enough to break the skin. 

“Fuck!” Minhyuk’s voice cracked as his hips jolted, grip tightening on Changkyun’s shoulders. 

“You taste so good.” Changkyun mouthed against his skin, licking over where he’d bitten and preying he didn’t go to far. Minhyuk said he liked it rough, right? 

“More, Changkyun, please.” 

Changkyun sucked over the bite mark before kissing him again desperately, thrust his fingers deeper, scissoring them to open the other up. He was getting desperate and by the sound of it, so was Minhyuk. The angle was a little awkward but totally worth it to taste every single moan he brought out of the gorgeous blonde. 

“You’re beautiful.” The younger panted. Fuck, he might be burning to death. It felt like a fever dream. 

“Need you.” Minhyuk whined, clinging onto Changkyun’s shoulders and rocking his hips down onto is fingers. 

“Lemme stretch you out a bit more.” Changkyun shushed him, continuing to finger him open for a few minutes longer. 

“Please, I’m so ready.” 

“You sure?” He kind of hoped so. He never felt so desperate to be inside someone. 

“I’m not good at waiting. So yeah, I’m sure.” The older pouted, grabbing the box of condoms from next to them on the mattress. “Will you let me do it, baby?”

Changkyun just nodded dumbly. He didn’t really trust his trembling hands right now, anyway. He slipped his fingers out of the other, making him visibly shudder. 

Minhyuk stroked him a couple of times before opening up a condom and rolling it down over Changkyun’s cock. “Such a nice big cock for a shortie.” He teased, winking devilishly. 

“Shortie? I’d be mad at that if I didn’t wanna be in you so bad.”

“Shush, baby. My turn to take the wheel.” He grinned playfully and adjusted his position. “You ready?”

“Never been more ready.”

Changkyun’s head knocked back against the headboard as Minhyuk sank himself down onto his cock, taking him into his tight heat. And fuck, heat really was the right word. “Oh god.”

Minhyuk let out a breathy moan. “Oh fuck.” He let out the prettiest sigh once he was fully seated.

“God, you’re so gorgeous. How are you real?” The younger ran his palms up over his thighs and settled on his hips to steady him as he began to move. Starting with simply rocking a little and eventually building up a steady rhythm as he rode Changkyun. 

“Ahh Changkyun, you feel so good inside me. So full. Fuck. Do I feel good inside, baby?” His gaze locked with Changkyun’s. 

“Fuck. S-So good. You feel so good.”

He should feel the way Minhyuk’s thigh muscles worked under his hands as he rode him steadily. The pace slow but intense. The way the older’s hips undulated with each movement, his body was fluid and almost serpent-like. The way his abdominal muscles were flexing rhythmically, causing the thin sheen of sweat on pale skin to catch the light. The way he tipped his head back in pleasure as he stroked himself in time with his own movements, relying on Changkyun’s hands to steady him. 

Changkyun could have sworn he saw something akin to a smirk flash over his face. Maybe it was his imagination because he was craving more. Wanted Minhyuk to move faster and so he thrust his hips up experimentally to meet his movements. 

“Ah! Yes!” Minhyuk moaned, despite almost losing his balance. “Ahh Changkyun, keep doing that. Please.” He begged. The had that wasn’t stroking himself braced on the headboard so that he wouldn’t be knocked off balance again. 

“Min. Holy fuck. So good.” He met each of the blonde’s movements, even as they became erratic and irregular. Angling his hips so that he hit his prostate each time, driving him closer to the edge. He could feel himself falling apart right along with him. 

“I’m so close, Changkyun. Don’t stop. Please don’t stop.” He begged, moaning shamelessly as Changkyun’s fingernails dragged down his sides. “So close. Please.”

“Come for me. Come for me, Min.” Changkyun thought he might combust, heat coiling tightly in his stomach and threatening to snap. He wanted Minhyuk to come on his cock before he reached his own release. Greedy. So greedy. He wanted everything because he’d never been able to have it. 

With a gasping moan, Minhyuk reached his climax, spilling all over himself and Changkyun. 

Changkyun’s grip tightened on his hips, fucking him through his orgasm and chasing his own release. “Minhyuk. Min!” He came suddenly, pleasure ripping through his body and along his spine. 

Minhyuk collapsed bonelessly against him, body slick with a sheen of sweat and radiating heat. “Changkyun.” He whined as he rolled off to the side, letting Changkyun slip out of him. 

“That was— fuck.” Changkyun was still catching his breath as he forced himself to sit up and remove the condom, tying it off and padding over to the trash can to dispose of it. His legs felt like they barely belonged to him. 

Turning to look at Minhyuk, he was curling up on the bed. “Will you kick me out now?” Minhyuk pouted a little, looking awfully downtrodden at the idea. It made the younger’s heart melt. 

“Of course not.” Changkyun smiled, crawling back onto the bed and kissing Minhyuk’s shoulder. “Sleep here.”

“You don’t mind?” Minhyuk smiled sleepily. 

“Not at all.” It might be nice to wake up next to someone. “Wanna take a shower?”

“Too tired.” He pouted. 

“Don’t you have to get up and take your contacts out before you sleep anyway?”

“It’s fine. They’re expensive and I don’t have the case for them.”

“Are you sure that’s ok?” Changkyun was pretty sure you weren’t supposed to sleep in colour contacts. But hey, what did he know?

Minhyuk lazily wrapped his arms around him. “So cute that you’re worried about me.” The blonde kissed his forehead. 

“You’re really handsome…” Changkyun said without thinking, feeling a little embarrassed as soon as the words left his lips. 

“You’re gorgeous. I uh… was kinda hoping maybe we could see each other again? Maybe grab coffee or something sometime?” Minhyuk looked a little bashful. 

“Really?” Changkyun blinked. 

“Yeah, if you want to, that is. Or am I kinda getting the wrong vibe? I just kinda like you and I hoped you maybe... kinda liked me too? Or…?” Minhyuk bit his lower lip, looking worried. 

“I do! I do kinda like you. God, I’m sorry I’m so awkward with this. I’ve ever had this situation before and my brain is made of soup right now.”

“Then let’s talk about it in the morning.” Minhyuk pulled the blankets up around them. “I’m exhausted, anyway.”

Changkyun curled closer into the other’s body heat. There were tears pressing at the corners of is eyes, wanting to escape. Not sad tears, relieved ones. He always felt vulnerable after sex and this was the first time somebody had wanted to cuddle with him afterwards. It felt safe and glowy.

He fell asleep to the steady rise and fall of Minhyuk’s chest, the slow beat of his heart and the ever present scent of sweet apples. Unconcerned that they’d probably wake up stuck together with lube, sweat and come. That was a problem for tomorrow, because it seemed neither of them had any motivation to move. 

———

When Changkyun woke up the next morning, there was still an arm tightly wrapped around his middle and soft white blonde hair tickling his shoulder. He’d almost expected to wake up and find no trace of Minhyuk.

God, Minhyuk was beautiful while he slept. Changkyun lay there for a while, not wanting to move. But eventually, his bladder wouldn’t let him wait any longer. He tried to slip away from the older’s grip without waking him, but Minhyuk hummed and opened his eyes the moment he shifted. 

“Sorry, I really need to pee.”

“It’s ok.” Minhyuk released him from his arms. “You go pee.” 

“Wanna come shower?”

“Yeah, I need to hurry so I can run home and get changed before work.” Minhyuk glanced over at the time. “So now shower time hanky-panky. Not this time, anyway.”

“There’ll be another time? You meant what you said before?” Changkyun had thought maybe his mind had fabricated that conversation. 

“Of course! If you still want to, that is. Maaaaybe we could go on a date? Or am I being weird?”

Maybe this was it. Maybe Minhyuk was his saviour. His chance to finally find love and happiness in someone who would reciprocate. “I… I’d really like that. But just to warn you, I’ve never dated anyone before so I’m probably gonna be bad at it.”

“I think you’ll be just perfect at it, Changkyun.” Minhyuk smiled sweetly and kissed the end of his nose. “Sorry, I really wanted to kiss your nose since I first saw you.” He admitted, giggling.

________________  
________________

The weeks passed and life had technically been going great for Changkyun. He’d been dating Minhyuk officially for almost two months and had developed some strong feelings for the blonde. Finally, he felt like he was moving on with his life. For the first time in so many years there was a light at the end of the tunnel he’d been lost in. 

Minhyuk was funny and sweet, had a taste for mischief and he was exciting. After spending time with him Changkyun would look in the mirror and see a little wrinkle had formed on his cheek where he’d been smiling so much. He even made Changkyun feel good about himself, gave him confidence. The way he’d shower him with compliments and pepper kisses all over his body made Changkyun become far better at accepting praise. 

The blonde would sometimes even accompany him when he went out photographing the city, holding an umbrella over him when it rained. They’d always end up finding small cafés and sipping hot coffee for entire afternoons. Stolen kisses and gentle touches. The lacing together of fingers and leaning of heads on shoulders.

But he felt a deep ache of sadness that he was so giddy for Minhyuk but couldn’t share his giddiness with his best friend. He found himself having to make excuses to Jooheon about why he couldn’t hang out all the time, not wanting him to find out about Minhyuk. When they’d go out in daytime he was always a little paranoid Jooheon or one of their mutual friends might see them. 

Maybe he should just finally come out. What if this thing with Minhyuk became really serious? What if they moved in together and adopted a dog? How would he explain that? 

Other things were going not so great in his life, too. He continued having these strange bouts of anxiety. For example, apparently his brain had decided he had an aversion to fruit now. Minhyuk had a bit of a habit of offering him apples for some reason. 

“Do you want an apple?” Minhyuk had asked the first time. 

It was weird. As soon as his teeth made contact with the surface of the fruit, some kind of primal survival instinct kicked in. It warned him not to break the apple’s skin. He paused. Why would he feel this way? It was just an apple. What was the problem? 

“Are you ok?” The blonde blinked, obviously confused by the reaction. 

Changkyun brought the thing away from his lips. “Y-Yeah. Sorry. I think I must be sick or something.” He set the apple down. 

The same thing would continue to occur each time the older offered. Something innate, deep inside his brain just wouldn’t allow him to take even a single bite. It was almost like how your brain is wired to not let you purposefully bite through your own lower lip.

He’d also been plagued by nightmares. Each time he had them they became a little more vivid. Even when Minhyuk was laying next to him the nightmares would come and he’d wake up drenched in sweat and shaking all over. He would then spend the day exhausted.

The worst had been a more recent one. 

Changkyun had suddenly woken up from a nightmare that bled into his conscious state. There was an awareness of a heaviness on his chest. He opened his eyes, greeted by the sight of his ceiling. 

But he couldn’t move. 

Couldn’t breathe. 

He felt like something was pulling him down. Hands coiling around him in painful grips binding to his arms and legs, pulling him into the mattress like they were trying to pull him right down to hell. 

He couldn’t even move to look, though. But he distinctly felt fingers gripping and fingernails clawing at his skin to gain purchase on his body. It felt so real. 

He felt like he was drowning and being crushed to death all at once. 

He couldn't even feel Minhyuk’s presence next to him and he couldn’t scream out for help. 

He was really starting to panic. 

But then he saw Minhyuk’s face and felt his hand against his cheek, grounding him back in reality. He was instantly released from whatever was binding him, sitting bolt upright and practically jumping into Minhyuk’s arms. He was completely soaked with sweat.

“Baby are you ok? Did you have a nightmare?” Minhyuk rubbed over his back soothingly.

“I—I think I just had sleep paralysis or something. Holy fuck. It was terrifying.” Changkyun panted, still trembling. 

“Oh no you poor thing. It’s ok, I’m here. Do you want an apple?” 

What was it with Minhyuk and damn apples? “N-No. It’s fine. Just need to calm down.”

Minhyuk kissed his temple. “Don’t worry, I’ll protect you.” Minhyuk said whimsically. 

Changkyun cracked a smile. “Yeah you can fight off the sleep paralysis demons for me.” He nuzzled against the older as they lay back down. The sheets were wet on his side from his sweat and he grimaced at the cold wetness contacting his naked skin. “Ew. Sweaty sheets.”

“Sleep on me, then.” Minhyuk had pulled Changkyun on top of him and that was exactly how they slept for the rest of the night. 

His sleep deprivation and worries about whether he should come clean to Jooheon about his sexuality had been eating away at him more and more. It all came to a bit of a head when he’d suffered his way through an especially terrible shift at work. 

A distracted Changkyun had accidentally fucked up the order tickets all night, therefore causing chaos in the kitchen. He had taken the brunt of his mistakes from disgruntled customers and his angry manager. Not to mention all the angry yelling from a spatula wielding Kihyun, the head cook. 

It was a long shift. 

Afterwards, he sat out back, perched on a crate with a bottle of soju he’d already taken several big gulps from. It had been raining and the crate was soaking wet, rainwater soaking through his pants. He didn’t care, though. He just took another big gulp of soju. He’d picked it up on the way to his shift but suddenly wished he’d bought something stronger. 

He heard the door open but didn’t look up, expecting it to be his manager coming to yell at him more or fire him. 

“Hey get outta here. Shoo!” The person’s voice came. It wasn’t his manager.

Changkyun looked over to see Kihyun shooing away a crow that was picking at the dumpster scraps. The cook then made his way to sit on the crate next to Changkyun. 

“Hey, so like… it was a total fucking shit show tonight.” Kihyun said simply. 

“Yeah...”

“Because of you fucking up all night.”

The guy really knew what to say, huh? “Thanks for clarifying. I know. I’m sorry.” He took another swig of soju. 

There was a long pause. “Are you ok? It probably isn’t my place to ask... but you just seem so distracted lately and tonight you’ve been on another planet. You look really tired.”

Changkyun didn’t know Kihyun that well, honestly. They only knew each other from working in the same place and didn't talk much. But maybe it would be nice speak to an impartial observer. “Can I tell you something? It might be TMI.”

“I’m all ears.”

“I’m... I’m gay.” Wow, that was the first time he’d said those two words out loud.

Kihyun blinked at him a few times. “Ok…? Does being gay prevent you from doing your job properly?”

Changkyun ignored that. “You know my friend who comes in here?”

“With the orange hair?”

“Yeah. We’re best friends and he doesn’t know… it kills me that he doesn’t know about this big part of me. I have to lie and pretend I’m something I’m not. I started dating someone recently and I really like him and I wanna be able to share it with Jooheon. And if it gets really serious, what will I do? I can’t hide that from him.” He left out the part about being in love with Jooheon. He didn’t want to make himself sound any more pathetic than he already did. “It’s been on my mind a lot and I think it’s making my head do strange things.”

“So why don’t you tell him?” Kihyun asked like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Because losing him would kill me…”

“Does he have something against homosexuals? Do you think he’ll shun you?”

“No... I don’t think so. He’s not the kind of person who would hate someone because of something like that. But even if he doesn’t hate me for it I’m terrified it’ll change our friendship. That he won’t want to hug me or be close to me anymore, that he’ll be uncomfortable. I’d hate that.”

“Hmm... but you seem unhappy with the way things are. If he’s your friend and worthy of your friendship then he’ll be accepting. Even if it isn’t right away. Give him that chance.” There was a long pause. “You think things will get serious with this guy?”

“I think he might be my salvation, man. I know that sounds weird and cheesy but it’s true.” Changkyun cracked a smile. “I’m so fucking happy and excited to have someone who is more than a one night stand. Something real. It feels fucking incredible and I can’t tell anyone about it like if I was straight. It sucks because I kinda wanna tell the world.”

“You can tell me about him, I don’t mind.”

Changkyun hadn’t expected Kihyun of all people to be so accepting and willing to talk with him. “Minhyuk is just so gorgeous. He doesn’t look real, he’s so beautiful. He’s got a body to die for and the way he uses it... fuck. The first time we had sex I think my soul actually left my body… and every time after that. I swear I’ve never fucked anyone who felt so perfect. I can’t stop thinking about how hot and tight he is. He rides me like there’s no tomorrow but holy shit he’s got a gorgeous cock and I so kinda wanna have it in me, it’s absolu—” He cut himself off before he could babble anymore about sex, Kihyun seemed the conservative type. “But also, he’s really nice and really funny and sweet. He smiles all the time and it’s contagious.” Minhyuk was a happy pill but for some reason Changkyun couldn’t seem to stay happy when he wasn’t around. He figured maybe it was because he couldn’t be honest with Jooheon. Maybe he had to lift the weight off his shoulders and everything would be better. 

“You really do sound smitten.”

“Thanks for letting me talk to you about this. I know it must be weird. Sorry if I grossed you out with the gay sex part.”

“It doesn’t gross me out, Changkyun. Been there, tried that. It was ok, I guess. Whatever floats your boat.” Kihyun shrugged and stood. 

“Wait. What? Tried it? You?” Changkyun gawked in shock. 

“An orgasm is an orgasm. I was a horny collage student. Experimented or whatever.” Kihyun just waved it off.

“Oh.” Changkyun was taken aback. Kihyun was always so proper and rigid in everything he did, he didn’t seem the type to be doing any sort of experimenting. “Wow.”

Kihyun cracked a smile. “Obviously I don’t know your full situation but you actually look a little relieved just from talking to me.”

“Thank you again, you really helped me get my thoughts straight.” He was gonna do it. He was gonna tell Jooheon. 

“Don’t thank me, I have a vested interest. If today is and indicator of how you’re gonna perform when there’s something on your mind, you’ll be a liability. Fix it.” 

Ah, back to the good ol’ Kihyun who hits him with a spatula. “Yeah, yeah.”

“Tell your friend. I have a feeling it’ll be ok. Oh, and maybe cut the drinking a little. You won’t have a liver left.”

“Nobody’s perfect. We all have vices.” One life issue at a time. 

———

There was this restaurant down the street from Changkyun’s apartment which the he and Jooheon often frequented. They basically sold only one thing, rotisserie chickens. You’d order either a half or a whole and pick what sauce and/or dry rub you wanted and they’d come along and slap the chicken and a knife on the table for you. You’d just go at the food with your hands and the knife as the only implement. Not exactly refined but it was the best chicken on the planet in Changkyun’s expert opinion. 

He’d asked Jooheon to meet him there a few days after his conversation with Kihyun. This was it. The night he was gonna come out. 

“Oh my god, you have sauce all over your face. Why can’t you eat like a human?” Changkyun snorted. 

Jooheon unceremoniously wiped his mouth and reached out with his hand, smearing it over Changkyun’s face while laughing loudly. 

“Gross! Fuck!” Changkyun spluttered, sides hurting from laughter as he tried to swat Jooheon away. “Why are you such an animal?”

“Rude! You’re even worse! You dropped your wing in your lap!”

“Alright fine, we’re both animals.” He wiped his face with his sleeve, not caring about it as it was already stained. If he could be gross with anyone, it was Jooheon. 

“Wait.” Jooheon looked around the chicken. “Have you eaten both the wings?” Jooheon waved the knife in an accusatory motion.

“Maaaayyybe.” Changkyun grinned. “Oh come on, I dropped one.”

“In that case, I get this.” Jooheon reached over with the knife and cut a chunk off the breast Changkyun had just pulled off his side. 

“Hyung, if it’s my breast you wanted you only need ask. Here I thought you were more of a thigh man.” He joked. 

They only drank two beers each that evening but had ended up eating two whole chickens between them. So basically one each. Changkyun figured he should be ashamed of himself but actually, he really wasn’t. He had no regrets. 

Afterwards, they linked arms as they walked along the street. “Hey, Jooheon?”

“Yeah?”

Deep breath. “What do you think about… uh… never mind.” Fuck. He couldn’t do it. 

“What do I think about what?” 

“No. It’s nothing. Forget I said anything.” It had been such a fun evening. He couldn’t ruin it with his news. 

“No, come on!”

Ok, maybe he could buy himself more time. “I was just gonna say do you wanna crash at mine?”

Changkyun inevitably let the evening slip away without confessing his sexuality. He allowed himself to bury his head in the sand that was their normality. Laughing and joking and eventually flopping into his bed in their underwear. 

He laid there wide awake in Jooheon’s arms. His heart ached. His thoughts drifted to Minhyuk and the way his arms felt, too. His thoughts didn’t stay there for long. He allowed his perverse mind to drift back to Jooheon’s arms. The gentle snoring. The way his breath tickled the back of his neck. He let himself imagine they were laying there in postcoital bliss. Like they were a couple. He allowed himself the fantasy for a few moments, stitching together his nights spent with Minhyuk and the feeling of Jooheon’s body heat—

No.

God, it hurt that despite the feelings he was developing with Minhyuk, the feelings for Jooheon were still there. 

Maybe that kind of love wouldn’t disappear quickly. Love built up over so many years. It was like a knife in the chest. 

It couldn’t go on like this. Having Minhyuk as some kind of dirty secret. The blonde deserved better than that and he needed to get it off his chest. He needed his life to move forward. 

“Jooheon?” He shifted and shook the other awake. 

“What?” Jooheon frowned. 

“I need to tell you something.” Ok. For real this time. 

“Tell me what?”

Three deep breaths. “I’m gay, Jooheon. I like guys. I’m gay and I’ve known since high school. I’m very very gay and I’ve been kinda dating someone and it’s been driving me insane because I feel like I’ve been lying to you, hyung.” The words practically ejected themselves after he first started talking. 

“Wait. What?” Jooheon sat up. 

“Please don’t hate me or be mad. I’m sorry. I’ve never really known how to tell you but it makes me feel like shit when I have to play along pretending I like girls. It makes me feel like a freak and a liar.” The worlds just continued to tumble out of his mouth. 

“Changkyun... the only thing I could be mad about is the fact that you have obviously kept this in for so long and didn’t feel like you could tell me. Do you honestly think I would hate you?” Jooheon sounded hurt. Oh god. 

“I don’t know... I’m sorry. I just don’t want anything to change between us. Like maybe you’ll feel weird about sharing a bed with me and stuff now…”

“Stop apologising. You don’t have anything to be sorry for. So what if you’re gay? I don’t care. It doesn’t change our friendship in any way. Why would it?”

“Really?” He sniffled, feeling the emotion from the relief welling up. 

“Really.” Jooheon pulled him into a tight hug. “And you’re seeing someone? That’s great. What’s his name?”

“Minhyuk. He’s really sweet and funny and like… so outta my league.” It felt weird to talk about Minhyuk while his heart was fluttering at how closely Jooheon was holding him. 

“Nobody’s outta your league, man.” Jooheon pulled back to take Changkyun’s face carefully in his hands. “You deserve the best of everything. I mean it.” 

Changkyun could have sworn he saw tears in his best friend’s eyes in the dim light of the room. “Jooheon…” But oh fuck, there was a part of him that wanted Jooheon to close the distance between them with the way he’s holding his face. To feel his lips on his own. Fuck, Changkyun was sick, wasn’t he? So fucking greedy. 

“C’mon, let’s sleep and in the morning I’m gonna need to know everything about this dude and see pictures so I can make sure he’s good enough for you.”

He nodded silently. Yes, he was relieved that Jooheon accepted him. But he discovered a whole new level of self hate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Minhyuk, are you not really so sweet? :0
> 
> ———
> 
> I didn’t realise how long ago I posted chapter one! Oops! Anyways, hopefully this will be updated every other weekend since the chapters are gonna be quite long. 
> 
> ———
> 
>  **NEXT TIME:** Things don’t get better for Changkyun. In fact, they get much worse. He reaches breaking point as his downward spiral continues and Minhyuk shows his true colours. 
> 
> _“His eyes looked bloodshot, except rather than redness, there were thin lines of black curling around his sclera. He looked at his reflection in mild horror. His complexion was pale and deathly._
> 
> _Changkyun’s stomach twisted violently and he dropped to his knees, a wave of nausea overcoming him. He felt cold but sweat was suddenly covering his skin, body trembling.”_


End file.
